


how novel is a novel that can fit in one sheet

by rxcrcfllptrs



Series: Count Your Seconds [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Drabble Collection, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mild Language, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-29 17:19:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19404706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxcrcfllptrs/pseuds/rxcrcfllptrs
Summary: A collection of short drabbles based on quotes fromIncorrect Overwatch Quotations, but spun up to be Parkner.Chapter 1: "Isaid, if you die I won't miss you."Chapter 2: "If you ever eat my leftovers again, I will destroy you."Chapter 3: "This date is soboring."Chapter 4: "So you and Harley don't have any pet names, huh?"Chapter 5: "And how do you take your coffee?" (Coffee Shop/Uni AU)Chapter 6: "I just walked downstairs wearing a “say ‘hey’ if you’re gay” t-shirt and Iron Man boxers. We had 8 people over. They saw."Chapter 7: "Did it hurt when you fell?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Louie Zong and Brian David Gilbert's "[Thumbnail](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZmaoIyE7xo)". 
> 
> I'm really writing this to take a break from several longfics stewing in my brain (not the least of which is "All We've Got Is Time". I've got the writing bug, but my hands can't always write 5k in one sitting!). Requests, ideas, or more incorrect quote prompts welcome, though please keep it PG-13.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Original post](https://incorrect-overwatch-quotations.tumblr.com/post/160309593773/reaper-mumbles-i-really-want-to-kiss).

Harley falls asleep on Peter's shoulder, Peter's arm around his back and a hand holding him steady. His grasp is firm but not constricting, the coziness of it all leads Harley's eyelids to droop. The screen is still playing the same nonsense C-list movie with terrible SFX and even worse acting.

It's kind of surprising how much it's where Harley wants to be right now. Even with his neck starting to protest from his position, Peter is stable ground, the fixed point to which he can anchor himself to; he can't help it. "I want to kiss you," Harley mumbles.

Then Peter freezes, eyes widening to alertness and the smile wiping to a concerned frown. His hand jumps off of Harley like it's been burnt. "What?"

Harley startles, realizing right then what exactly had fallen out of his mouth. "I mean, uh," he clears his throat. "I _said_ , if you die I won't miss you," he grumbles out, putting Peter's hand back where it was resting on his forearm. "Now let me sleep, asshole."

Peter huffs, goofy smile widening on his face as Harley drifts back out. Harley doesn't need to know that Peter knows _exactly_ what he said the first time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Original post](https://incorrect-overwatch-quotations.tumblr.com/post/158791198209/dva-hugs-lucio-from-behind-i-love-you-dva).

Harley finds Peter in the lab, tinkering with his webshooters with a very determined look on his face. He'd think it adorable were it not for one thing.

He slides his arms around Peter's waist, warming his boyfriend up as he rests his chin on Peter's shoulder. He kisses Peter's cheek. "I love you," Harley says sweetly. In reaction, Peter kisses his cheek back, smile wide and goofy.

And then, Harley strikes. Mouth close to Peter's ear, he threatens. "But if you ever eat my leftovers again," his grip on Peter's waist tightens. "I will destroy you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Original post](https://incorrect-overwatch-quotations.tumblr.com/post/185186324797/mccree-this-date-is-so-boring-hanzo-this-isnt).

"This date is so _boring_ ," Harley whines, kicking a foot on the linoleum floor as he mopily follows Peter around the grocery store. One of the fluorescent lights overhead is flickering, and it was gonna give him a headache soon if it didn't stop.

Peter sighs as he picks out from a wall of cereals. "This isn't a date," he repeats for what's possibly the umpteenth time. Not that Harley's particularly keeping count. "I told you I had to go to the store," he says this without looking at Harley, making a decision between Frosted Flakes or Cocoa Puffs before shrugging and putting both in the cart.

"Uh, then why did you invite me?" Harley raises an eyebrow, arms crossed on the handle of their shopping cart.

Peter makes a noise. "I didn't," he walks over to the next aisle as Harley follows behind him. "I specifically said 'don't come with me', and you said 'fuck you, I can do whatever I want', and," he waves a hand over everything. "Now we're here."

Harley purses his lips, narrowing his eyes on Peter for a second. "Okay, fine," he concedes after a moment. "This is still boring, though."

Peter rolls his eyes. "You'll live."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Original post](https://incorrect-overwatch-quotations.tumblr.com/post/166503764425/76-you-and-mccree-dont-have-any-pet-names) (ft. Tony Stark).

Tony swivels his chair, fingers steepled as he looks at a fidgeting Peter Parker in front of him. "So," he starts, making Peter jump. "You and Harley don't have any pet names, huh?"

"Um," Peter starts off, _smooth_. "No, we don't," he says the last word like it's a question, and Tony tries really hard not to react to Peter's terrible lying. Tony may need to sic a Natasha on him, but then Peter would get better at lying and that wasn't as fun.

"Uh-huh," Tony nods, entirely unconvinced. "What do bees make?"

Peter blinks, tilting his head. _Is this a test?_ "...Honey?"

And, to Tony's lack of surprise, Harley pops up from the doorway. "Yeah, sugar?"

Peter grows very red in the face very quickly, eyes wide and spun around to look at Harley. Harley, bless his soul, only looks a little confused before smirking at both him and Tony. Harley nods back at Tony before leaving, which makes Peter snap back to Tony's stare.

Tony waves a threatening finger at Peter. "Never lie to my face ever again."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Original post](https://incorrect-overwatch-quotations.tumblr.com/post/158681018991/sombra-how-do-you-take-your-coffee-reaper-in), set in a coffee shop/university AU because That Just Happens sometimes.

It's 8AM on a Monday, the bane of any minimum wage worker or student anywhere. Unfortunately for Harley, he is both. He is also not a morning person in the least. MJ hates him Just Enough to put him in for Monday mornings. No more than that, but christ. He really doesn't need this kind of bullshit. (She waves it off as "you need the training, you won't always have afternoon classes, you punk.")

The only good part about this is that he works at a coffee shop close to a university rather than some uppity Silicon Valley hotspot, he shudders when thinks back on Ned's texts of self-important start-up CEOs and frazzled assistants. _The horror._ The worst Harley has to deal with are incomprehensible orders from stressed grad students and occasional chad who thinks sexual harassment is fun. _Little blessings._

Today, though, someone new drops in. New, of a sort. Harley's interest apparently manifests so strongly that Betty raises their eyebrows at his demeanor. "Do I need to get the pamphlets out again?" which is funny, because they've never actually used that line on him.

The new customer is only new of a sort because they're under the same group as "stressed, overworked undergrad". _But he's so cute, though_ , his internal thought process pouts. _Quiet, you_ , he bites back.

"Hey there," Harley greets, letting a hint of that old Southern accent peek through. "What'll you be having today?"

Cute stranger blinks once, then twice, then mutters. "Coffee."

_Ah, another game of charades, then_ , Harley nods to himself, taking out a cup and a sharpie. "And how do you take your coffee?"

Stranger grunts. "As dark and bitter as my soul."

And Harley, bless him, he tries. He really tries not to snort at this doe-eyed looking guy who looks like he's rolled out of Bambi with a few sleepless nights. He kinda wants to just wrap him up in a blanket and force him to get some rest. _Nope, stop right there,_ he thinks, recalling inappropriate customer relations.

Then Harley realizes he hasn't actually spoken in a few moments, and retorts, "so, white chocolate mocha?"

Stranger blinks again, slow, before narrowing his eyes. "Fine," he mutters.

"You sure you need the caffeine, or would you be fine with decaf?" Harley asks, writing out the order details as he goes.

Stranger hums, then replies. "Yeah, decaf would be good," he slides a bill and some coins, which Harley finds is exactly how much this order costs.

"You come here often, then?" Harley asks, punching in the order.

"Mostly in the afternoon," Stranger nods. "MJ and I have some classes together." And that particular comment makes Harley narrow his eyes. Now some people say MJ has some kind of preternatural sense for making things fall together — and Harley's always thought of that idea as a load of horseshit — but seriously? Alright.

"Alright, MJ's friend, and who's order is this for?" Harley asks, and freezes his hand so he doesn't end up doing something stupid like write his phone number on it. Now that would just be creepy and overstepping bounds, yeesh.

"Peter," the finally named Stranger says, nodding. Harley's kind of relieved that the shop is blessedly empty after 8AM, when all the first-thing-in-the-morning classes have started and all that's left are students finishing off an all-nighter or stragglers for said 8AM classes.

"Cool, here's your receipt, thanks," he hands off the slip of paper, then entertains the next customer, then the next, and a lull, then the next. All the way until the end of his shift just after the lunch rush.

He'll confront MJ about this later. For now, he has a Physics class to not pay attention to.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Original post](https://incorrect-overwatch-quotations.tumblr.com/post/180658168946/lena-why-does-no-one-tell-me-if-we-have-people).
> 
> The lovely [starksnacks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starksnack/works) drew [Peter in The Shirt](https://i.imgur.com/MCoZkxO.png). Literally everything I ever wanted.
> 
> Also! [viviixen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/viviixen/works) drew [Harley saying Hey](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/579324594994020396/595154605029982208/image0.png). I genuinely screamed when I saw this, it's so cute!
> 
> These are all Far Too Much for my emotions and I am so freaking grateful for y'all! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

" _Why,_ " Peter exclaims as he walks into the den. "Does no one _ever_ tell me if we have people over?" He walks over to a beanbag chair in a huff. At no point does Ned look up from his Switch, and Peter sighs as he rolls onto his belly. "I just walked downstairs wearing a 'say hey if you're gay' t-shirt and Iron Man boxers."

This is when Ned glances at Peter, who has put sweatpants on but has not actually changed out of his shirt. "We had eight people over," Peter gesticulates towards the door. "They all saw!"

Ned pauses Shovel Knight to look at Peter. "Well, did any of them say hey?"

"No," Peter makes a sort of strangled noise in the back of his throat, looking at Ned incredulously. "Well," he pauses. "One of them did."

"Aaaand...?" Ned is back to concentrating on his Switch.

"They were cute," Peter confesses, rubbing his face with his hands. "But I'm so sure they were doing it to be funny, and that's always the problem with this shirt," he groans, rolling over so he's looking at Ned upside down.

"Something tells me you need to make sure of that yourself," Ned advises, and Peter crosses his arms.

"Was it Plague Knight whispering sagely advice to your ears?" he makes a face, not actually bothered by how little Ned is focusing on him.

"Tinker Knight, actually," Ned corrects. "I got past Plague Knight about an hour ago," Peter hums, then rolls over to stand up.

"Okay, fine," he says, making up his mind. "Gonna ask if cute person was actually being serious," he says all of this more to himself, like a pep-talk, hyping himself up for the inevitable crash and burn of 'oh no I'm straight sorry'.

"Go get that bread," Ned says, deadpan as he shoots out his left fist in a fistpump, before immediately returning it to the D-pad.

* * *

"So..." Peter sidles up to cute person, who is leaning against their criminally underused breakfast bar, nursing a can of Coke. "Were you serious about the hey thing?"

Cute person looks over at Peter, commenting, "aw, you covered up the Iron Man boxers. I liked those," they say, a quirk on their lips.

Peter tries not to redden at that. "Well, you wouldn't have seen them in the first place if I knew people were coming over," he grimaces. "Sorry."

Stranger shakes their head, chuckling. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart," they pause to take a sip of soda. "Glad to have enjoyed the wonder."

Peter shakes his head. "You're avoiding my question, y'know," he reminds them, leaning his elbow on the counter.

"Gotta introduce myself first, though," they proffer a hand. "Name's Harley, Harley Keener."

Peter, for all his disaster queerness, _doesn't_ blow this opportunity and only hesitates for just a second before shaking Harley's hand. "Peter Parker."

"Enchanté," Harley drawls out in a southern accent, and _wow_ doesn't that just get under someone's skin like no one's business.

"Gesundheit," Peter says absently, before blushing and looking away. _Nice. Real slick there, Peter._

Harley snorts like an aborted laugh. "Aw, c'mon sugar, that was pretty cute," they tap Peter's left arm to get Peter out of his internal freakout. Peter takes a few steadying breaths before looking back at Harley, still a little red in the face.

"You don't need to be so Prince Charming about it," Peter mutters. "S'not fair that I'm the bumbling idiot here."

Harley smiles, warm and wide. "Oh honey, I feel like I've been the fool this entire time," they set aside their soda, facing Peter fully now. "Let's try this again, shall we?"

Peter blinks, at a loss for words. Harley places a hand on his shoulder, makes a blatant show of reading Peter's shirt, before looking up at Peter with a smolder. "Hey."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Original post](https://incorrect-overwatch-quotations.tumblr.com/post/169128188418/lucio-did-it-hurt-when-you-fell-dva-from).

"Did it hurt when you fell?" is Peter's greeting to Harley when he arrives at the Compound. He hands Harley a mug of hot cocoa (for whatever reason) when Harley trudges towards the Compound lobby. As with many things that Peter does, Harley only looks at him weird then shakes his head. He does take the hot cocoa though, that stuff is straight magic.

"From heaven? Parker, you really need to up your—" Harley starts to retort, and it was a pretty clever retort had it not been interrupted.

"No, I mean when you fell out of your taxi," Peter clarifies, which makes Harley clamp down his mouth and resolve to drink his beverage in silence. At Harley's lack of protest, Peter continues. "I watched you trip on your shoelaces and kind of..." Peter looks to the corner, recalling the event. "You kinda just laid there face down for ten minutes."

_If I don't acknowledge that he said it, then it didn't happen,_ is Harley's thought process. He doesn't say a peep and just keeps drinking, hoping that Peter would take the hint and go away.

"We all saw that," Peter says instead, much to Harley's chagrin.


End file.
